Thank you for honoring me by reading the following...

Before you read the following chapter from a book I wrote, “From Grief to Glory, When a Father Loses a Child”, I want to briefly share with you something very profound and really rather simple that I’ve learned over the past 14 years regarding “grief”.

It was 14 years ago this morning, April 9, 1997 at 6:23 AM that a horrific event happened to my precious family that dramatically changed our lives.  When a terrible thing like this happens, it has absolutely no temporal meaning.  It’s something every parent, every brother and sister collapses under when the numbing news is delivered.  It’s surreal in every bad sense of the word.  It’s when a child dies.  Our son, Jack Tabor Fawcett, 50 days shy of 17, died instantly that morning in a car crash that I physically survived.  Emotionally, I did not.  My grief was crippling and lasted way too long. 

Here’s what I want to share with you regarding that one key thing I’ve learned over the years: that my grief is always rooted in self-centeredness.  I was so focused on his death and my loss, I’d cry out such things as, “I’ll never see him alive ever again on earth!”  The reality is that my mourning is for myself.  Truly, why do I grieve?  Is this sorrow for him or for me?  The honest truth is that my grief comes because of selfishness which always turns things into a crisis. 

Self-centered people find ways to get upset over the craziest, dumbest and smallest of things.  They are way too easily offended.  You can see them traveling down the path of depression that leads to discouragement that leads to defeat that leads to helplessness that leads to hopelessness… a terrible dead end place to be.

But that awful journey can be, and must be, broken.  Here’s how I learned to do it: realize that you are DEAD!  Yes, you read that correctly… dead.   Continually dead!   Here’s why: in Romans 6: 8, we read; “Now if we died with Christ, we believe that we shall also live with Him…” and in 2 Timothy 2: 11, “This is a faithful saying: For if we died with Him, We shall also live with Him.”  According to God’s Word, you and I are already dead.  Dead folks don’t feel anything!  You can do whatever you want to a dead person’s corpse and they will NOT retaliate. 

Therefore, why is that if we’re supposed to be “dead” is it that we get “our feelings hurt” or have “problems in our relationships” or mourn “all the time”?   It’s very, very simple… PRIDE is still very much alive, well and kicking!  Pride brings forth dispute, anger, hurt, and bitterness – self-centeredness!

So, step back and assess yourself.  Be objective in taking a long hard look at you.  This is why I wrote the short book, “The Keeping Room Journey” so you and I can learn how to take “inventory” of the body, soul and spirit in a way that keeps us from being self-centered and defeated.  Friend, I have to take inventory of myself ALL the time.  If you deal with yourself like this then most, if not all, of your crisis will cease.  But you must learn to love God, yourself and others as this is the cure against “hurts” that comes from self-centeredness.

My book, “From Grief to Glory, When a Father Loses a Child” spends several chapters exploring the Biblical aspects of how we are to correctly respond to our loses be it a child, finances, relationships, or whatever the situation is because the answers are all grounded in Biblical truths.

Louann and I, as well as our three grown children, look forward to being with Jack when each of our time comes to go to our real Home.  Yes, we miss him a lot and often wonder what he’d be doing if he was here with us.  He would’ve been 31 on May 29 of 2011.

My sixteen-year old son had been listening intently to the family conversation about a Bible verse around the dinner table when he looked up at me and from out of the blue asked, “Dad, what’s it feel like to die?”

I was at first taken back because it had nothing to do with the verse we were talking about, but managed to ask, “Well, Jack.  Do you remember being born?”

“No”, he replied innocently.

“It’s kind of the same way because you don’t remember being in your mother’s womb, do you?  And you don’t remember being born, right?  You don’t remember being in a nice warm, safe, watery environment and then suddenly being brought into a cold, brightly lit, noisy room, do you?  And, in the same way, you won’t remember dying because your last breath here on earth is followed by your first breath in Heaven when you see Jesus.  And He instantly takes away all the sorrow, and all the pain, and all the bad things that happened to us while we were alive.”

He then asked, “What if someone dies painfully, will they remember that?”

“No, buddy because there is no pain in Heaven.  Whatever way someone dies, be it peacefully or in a horrible way, there is no pain in Heaven.  They don’t remember any kind of pain of death.  It doesn’t hurt to die if Jesus is your Savior.  Personally, I hope we all get raptured together.”

He thought about what all I had said for a moment and then confidently replied, “Oh.  Okay.  I understand.” 

I will never forget that conversation because it hit me as so unusual for him or anyone his age to ask a question such as that.

Our countless conversations around the table had never addressed the death issue from that angle.

I had the honor of baptizing Jack about seven months prior to that conversation.  I was able to baptize Jack, Whitney Jane, and Jonathan that afternoon at the Clovis Hills Community Church in Clovis, California.  Sommer had been baptized years earlier at the Bethany Mennonite Brethren Church in Fresno.

Just before I baptized him on April 28, 1996 I almost could not get the words out because I was fighting back tears of joy and for some unknown reason… sorrow.  I could not put a word to the emotion then, but reflecting back to that moment, that is what it was… sorrow.  Moreover, I do not know why it was “sorrow”.  A premonition?

A picture was taken of Jack and I right at the moment I was fighting back those tears standing there waist deep in the water.  So whenever I see that special moment captured on film, I remember those powerful heart tugging emotions.

Jack was a very unusual person.  He even started out unusual by weighing 10 pounds, four ounces and being 23 ½ inches long!  He was one of the largest babies ever born at the Dallas (Texas) Medical City Hospital up until that time.

Jack is my first born male.  He was named after my beloved dad who died on April 2, 1965.  He was also named after my alma mater: Tabor College in Hillsboro, Kansas.  That is where Louann and I first met in late August of 1973.

Louann and I would joke that his long skinny neck, big eyes, and large head made him look like the cute little space creature in the movie “ET”.

Jack and I were very close.  We were father and son and we were buddies.  We were like what my dad and I were.

I took him everywhere I possibly could.  Therefore, it was natural for us to plan the “big business trip” together.  We would be gone for nineteen days talking to people about air and water purification products and how to get their business going.

He was so excited to take part in the planning.  It was a part of his home schooling.  We were to visit four states and travel through seven.

We would make this 1997 trip crammed in a nice 1985 Datsun 300 ZX sports car we were purchasing from our auto mechanic and good neighbor Bob Banks.

The morning we left, the six of us gathered together for family prayer.  We held hands and asked God to bless our trip, to protect us all, and to enable it to be a profitable business trip.

Louann would later tell me that she had a premonition that all would not be well.

Her premonition would stay with her that whole time.

Jack and I drove to our first destination in Flagstaff, Arizona.  We were right on time that evening, but the meeting I was supposed to speak at had to be cancelled because of the snowy weather and they had no way of contacting me.  We were both bummed out.  I thought to myself that this is probably the way the whole trip was going to be.  I thought of turning back.

Jack was with me when I was at the worst time in my life both financially (made some very serious stupid economic judgments) and emotionally (as I look back, internally I was a very angry and frustrated person).  I had been through too many setbacks and he knew it.  But Jack had a powerful childlike faith that trusted God no matter what the circumstances.  He was a bold and faithful encourager.  We pressed on from Arizona.

He was also compassionate.  We were staying a couple of nights with my good ‘ol high school buddy Pastor Ron Cooper and his wife Jackie so I could make business appointments in Denison and Sherman.  Jack and I ate at a fast food place and that evening the food caused me to have acute gastritis.  I became violently ill.  Jack nursed me through the night and all through the following day at the Cooper’s home.

Feeling better, we went on in to Carrollton, Texas and stayed with my sister Jandetta.  That afternoon an early spring storm was brewing on the horizon.

Jack and I loved storms!  We went outside to watch the menacing skies.  The area was under a tornado watch.

Jandetta’s young twin daughters Lauren and Ciaira joined us.

Jack was leaning up against the Datsun looking up at the darkening sky.  I was going to take a picture of him with the twins.  But he looked so distant, so morose.  I said to him, “Jack, smile.  You’re not dead yet.”

It is one of those innocent things you say and do not mean and even forget you said it until someone reminds you of it later.

I had forgotten I said it until after the memorial service when one of Jandetta’s girls mentioned it to her.  My sister asked me about it.  It was then that I horribly remembered I had said it.

It was then that I also remembered that Jack did not look earth bound, but rather “heavenward bound”.  He looked as if he was receiving a “message” from his Heavenly Father that was to prepare him for what was to come.

He turned to the camera and smiled and then went back to the same look on his face as before and stared off into the sky.

We traveled on to Missouri to hold business meetings with CJ and Marjorie Powell and friends.  Jack loved being in the Ozarks.  He loved God’s creation.  He would just stare at it.

When we were driving, he would sometimes have his CD player going with his earphones on just watching the scenery go by.  He loved listening to Christian music especially Jaci Velasquez, Jars of Clay, Carman, Crystal Lewis, and Rebecca St. James.  But his favorite CD was one by Brian Doerksen, “Father’s House”.  He would play that one over and over.

One evening we were standing out on a beautiful piece of isolated property high in the Ozarks Mountains where there was no light pollution.  It was spectacular looking up at the sky aglow with stars.  We could clearly see the famous and fabulous Hale-Bopp comet with its long white tail.

Jack and I talked about Heaven that night.  We talked about what it would be like to have our glorified bodies and fly beyond light speed around the universe doing the Lord’s business and exploring.  We had great fun talking about our real home out there under God’s glorious creation.

We went on to Longview, Texas to hold a business meeting and to stay with my cherished stepdad, John Rappazzo and his precious wife Clydine.  The morning we left, April 8, John, Jack and I held hands in the kitchen and prayed for a safe journey home.

We left East Texas to drive to my cherished hometown of Sherman, Texas.  We could not stay long, just long enough for lunch at a pizza place and some brief family visits.  Jack loved pizza.  We ate and I told him funny stories about me growing up here in Sherman.  He loved to hear them and the same old stories never got boring to him.  I must tell you that I had a wonderful time of growing up in Sherman!  And because of it, I had great stories to tell my children.

We had some extra time so we drove by to see my Uncle Joe and Aunt Hoppy Joiner, but no one was home.  We then drove by to see my Uncle Gene and Aunt Nana Howard.  They were home and Jack had a wonderful visit with them.  Jack loved visiting with my side of the family because my cousins, their spouses and their children are a lot of fun to be around.

We left there and drove to Altus, Oklahoma where I was to speak to a large business gathering concerning the air and water products.

Jack was now eager to get home to Fresno, as we had been gone sixteen days.  I was more than eager too.  We decided to cut short our trip by three days and leave right after I spoke.

I will never forget seeing Jack standing by a post inside the large meeting room with this look of “come on let’s go dad, let’s get out of here, please!  I wanna go home.”

It was almost ten o’clock at night and I was through with the well-attended meeting.  He quickly loaded the car and we were gone.  We were on our way… home!

The main reason for cutting short the trip was because Jack wanted to get back to his treasured youth group that met at Ted and Dixie Switzer’s every Wednesday night.  He wanted to surprise everyone by walking in after the meeting got started.  He thought that would be so special.  So we planned to drive nonstop from Altus: with a few stops for fuel, we could do it.

Around midnight we stopped in the little town of Vega in the panhandle of Texas to get some gasoline and some doughnuts which were to last us until we got to Fresno!  Jack was so proud of himself for keeping us on a very tight financial budget so that we would have some money left over.  Louann would be so proud of him!  So that is why we got twelve doughnuts to last us the rest of the trip and we would not waste time stopping to get even some fast food.

As Jack was filling the car, I was talking to Louann on the phone from inside the little store.  Jack came in to pay for the gas and I noticed him talking to the sales clerk who was the night manager.

I said my goodbye to Louann and hung up the phone.  I walked toward the exit and the manager stopped me.  He told me that he had never met a finer boy than mine.  I graciously thanked him and told him that I agreed with him.

When I got inside the car, I asked Jack what he had talked to the man about.  He quietly told me, “Oh not much.”  “Well Jack whatever it was, that man was sure impressed with you.”  Jack did not respond as he began munching on his ration of chocolate doughnut.

Jack fell asleep pretty quickly after the delicious doughnut.  I sneaked another one while he was sleeping.  I thought to myself, “How am I going to explain the missing doughnut to him?  He’s going to be upset.”

Have you ever driven and not remembered doing it?  I drove through Gallup, New Mexico and did not remember doing it.  I was that tired!

When the sun started to cast some light in the eastern sky, I was more than bone tired.  We were not to far from Winslow, Arizona.  I had to pull over and rest.  But if I did, we would not make Jack’s time frame.  So, I decided to pull over and wake him up and let him drive past Flagstaff while I took a nap.  Then I would drive the remaining ten hours in to Fresno.

I woke Jack up and made sure he was totally awake before I would let him drive.

He and I got out in the cold desert air, came around, got in and drove off.  It was about 6:10 in the morning: April 9.

I made sure he got up to the speed limit of 75, set the cruise control, (cars were passing us) and that all was okay before I was to take a short nap.

I then did something I rarely did on this trip.  I put my seatbelt on as Jack was constantly bugging me to put my seatbelt on as he would always put his on (I always do since then!).

I then did something else I did not do on the trip.  I leaned my seat back to where my eyes were just at the level where I could keep an eye on the road ahead.

I was so tired I could not talk.  I looked at Jack and he seemed so far away.  It was surreal.  He looked like I could see through him; like he had the consistency of a jellyfish.

Then the cockpit of the car filled with a golden glow.  It was so unusual that I turned to look behind me at the eastern sky to see if the sun was doing it.  It was not.  It was behind a cloud as it was rising just above the distant mountains.

The golden glow intensified and the cockpit was filled with golden floating sparkles.  I tried to say something to Jack but the words would not come forth.  Instead, I felt an overwhelming peace come over me.  I closed my eyes to rest.

It seemed I could count to three and then WHAM the most unbelievable sickening sound I will ever hear engulfed me.

I screamed out, “Jack!”  I heard nothing from him.

The car had hit something doing 75 mph and we were now violently tumbling end over end in the desert.

The windshield was torn off.  The roof partitions were ripped off. 

I screamed out, “God save us!”  I remember thinking that I was going to die.  I knew I was going to die a violent, ugly but quick death because the desert was rushing in through where the windshield used to be.  I knew I was going to be torn to pieces and decapitated.  I thought about Louann, Jack, Sommer, Whitney Jane and Jonathan and how I would miss them.

The tumbling seemed like it would never stop!  The inside of the cockpit was pitch black and the noise was deafening.  My life flashed through my mind.

Finally, after almost 80 yards the car came to an abrupt rest on it’s crumpled top. 

I immediately undid my safety belt and fell out of the seat.  I looked around for Jack.  He was not in the car.  I thought he had got out and was safe and was looking for me.

I quickly got out through my passenger side window that was gone.

I crawled away from the car thinking it would blow up because I could hear all kinds of liquid pouring from the hot engine.

My glasses were lying near me on the ground.  I thought that unusual because they had been blown off me the moment we had started tumbling.  I put them on and saw Jack lying on the desert ground about fifteen feet from me on his right side.

I crawled over to him.  As I approached him, I saw his body quickly vomit out a large amount of dark fluid. 

I came to him and saw a small stream of bright red blood that had trickled down on his left side of the ear and cheek.  It had come from inside his ear.  There was also a halo of dark blood around his head that had soaked into the ground.

Jack was lying on his side exactly like I would find him asleep in his bed.  His clothes were not torn; they were not even disheveled.  It was as if an angel had laid him there like that. 

When someone is thrown from a car, they are usually found in a very contorted way.  But not Jack.  He appeared very peaceful.  Even his eyes were closed.

I touched his wrist.  It was ice cold.

I then knew my precious son was dead.

I kissed him on his cheek and said, “Jack I love you and God loves you too.”

I stood up, looked around at the awful scene, and then fell down on my hands and knees.  I grabbed some sagebrush with my hands and screamed a prayer into the desert ground.

I cried out and prayed that God would not let me become bitter and angry: He answered my cry!  I praised God for my son and that He had allowed me almost seventeen years with him. 

Then I wept bitterly and cried out to God for His help!

As I wept, I could literally feel a demonic presence trying to fight me to stop talking to God!  Every evil thought flooded my mind in an overwhelming effort to stop me from talking to God!  To stop me from praising God!

I have never encountered such evil as I did in that moment.  But God gave me strength to overcome the attack.  I tearfully praised God and stood up.

Cars began to stop.

I was aimlessly wandering around gathering up the things that had been flung from the car.  It looked like a war zone. 

I found all of Jack’s CD’s scattered about the desert.  The only one that was broken was “Father’s House”.

One elderly woman came up to me and asked me if that was my brother.  I said, “No mam, that’s my son.”  She grabbed me and hugged me and we both cried.

The highway patrolman arrived.  Officer Michael Wischmann was very compassionate.

An ambulance soon arrived.  The ambulance driver helped me into the back of the vehicle.  He calmly told me Jack was dead.  The reality of what he said sunk in to my soul and spirit. 

He prayed aloud for me as he held my hands.

As we drove off, I could see the bright yellow body bag being placed over my son.

I violently wept all the way to the hospital in Winslow.

Louann received a call from the hospital from a nurse who simply told her that we were in a car wreck and that I lived and Jack died.  That was the end of the telephone conversation!

Louann hung up the phone and started screaming.  The kids had just got up and were getting ready for the morning.  They rushed into our bedroom to find their mother weeping.  She was barely able to call her brother Mike who made immediate arrangements to fly him and Louann to Winslow.

Once I got to the hospital, the medical doctor examined me.  There was not anything physically wrong.

I requested a Baptist chaplain.  I desperately needed prayer.  I needed to talk to someone who would listen to the pain that was ripping my heart out.

Julie Greer, the social worker at the hospital was of great help to me.  She called Louann to let her know I was okay and that she looked forward to seeing her later that afternoon.

The rest of the morning and the afternoon were a complete blur.  I had been given some medication to help me calm down but it knocked me out.

Louann and Mike arrived at the hospital.  Louann and I held each other and cried.

We drove a few blocks away to the wrecking yard where the car was.  It was a horrific mess!  We were amazed that I survived!  We knew that God wanted Jack Home and that He wanted me to stay around for something more to His glory.

The dead center of the mangled car was caved in.  We had hit the only metal pole in a one-mile radius!  We hit it doing 75 mph! 

That was the horrible noise I had heard.

Someone had put our things that were in the car in a box.  The camera was missing that had the last roll of film in it.  I had taken many pictures of Jack and now we would never see them.

We checked into a motel for the night.

The next morning, Louann and I went to see Jack’s body at Greer’s Scott Mortuary where Rhonda Greer was of tremendous help to us.

We went into a room where they rolled his body in on a gurney and left us.  Jack’s body was covered with a black velvet blanket.  His shoulders on up were revealed.  We noticed that there was no visible cuts or bruises on him.  We had been told he had only a slight bruise on his right thigh.  He had no broken extremities.  The right side of his skull had a slight fracture from where his head had landed hard on the desert floor.

Here before us laid our nearly seventeen year old son.  He was just over six-foot two inches tall with size thirteen feet.  He was a handsome boy.  Beautiful black curly hair. 

He loved the things of God.  He loved to make things with his hands.  He had won the state of California’s first place award for a woodwork project (jewelry box) in his fifteen-year old age division.  He loved to draw.  He loved his family.  He loved Jesus, his church and his youth group.  He loved the mountains.  He loved life.  God loved him and wanted Jack for a reason we will not know until we get Home.

We did not stay long.  We did not want a lingering memory of his body this way.  Nor did we want his body to be buried in the ground.  We chose to have his body cremated.

We picked out a beautiful bronze urn that is a sculpture of an eagle landing on a tree branch in front of a mountain with a waterfall and a pool.

Some of our friends and relatives were burdened with our decision concerning cremation because of their belief that the body should remain intact and buried in a casket.  We do not hold to that thought, but respect it.  We know that God will bring together every atom that makes up the body, regardless of its condition, or where it is when we get our resurrected body.

We did not want to have our son’s body in a cemetery.

The three of us flew back to Fresno.  I do not remember the flight.  I had to be put in a wheel chair and taken into the airport terminal.  The medication made me too weak to walk. 

There was a large crowd of friends and family there to greet us.  Jimmy Blinn compassionately wheeled me from the terminal to the waiting car.  I cried most of the way.  The love of all those people for Louann and me was overwhelming.

We got to our home and there were people everywhere.  We desperately needed them.  I am so thankful to God that He had them there!  I tightly held my three children and we wept.

Louann took care of arranging the memorial service.

I had become a vegetable.  I would weep at anything.  I had huge mood swings.  I wanted to die.  I wanted it to have been me instead of Jack.  I kept seeing in my mind the awful crash.  Any loud noise, especially a train or airplane, would set off a flood of emotions for me.  It would remind me of the initial horrible noise of the car hitting the pole and then the tumbling.

Why had Jack hit that pole?  Did he fall asleep?  No.  I made sure he was wide-awake.  He had slept for at least eight hours before I let him get behind the wheel.

So, what happened to cause him to hit that pole?  (Alternatively, even if he had not hit it we still would have gone off the highway and crashed in the desert or possibly into the oncoming traffic.)  Why did he lose control of the car?

The only thing we could think of is that he may have had a cerebral aneurysm; a blood vessel in his brain burst.  Only God knows.  It is counterproductive to try to figure it out.

Not too long before Jack and I left for the trip he had played an aggressive game of broom hockey up at Hume Lake Christian Camp.  His head had been knocked into a concrete pillar there inside the play area called the Ark.  After that trauma, he was sleeping more than usual.  We did not know about this injury until a month after his memorial service when we went up to Hume to scatter his ashes.  One of his friends had shared this with us.  Jack had never complained about this or anything.

Several years earlier, he was walking across a street.  A car came out of nowhere and hit him doing about thirty-five mph.  He flipped up onto the hood of the car and hit his head on the windshield.  He broke his left ankle and suffered a mild concussion.

Possibly, with him getting out of the warm car and being exposed to the cold desert air, it may have set off a brain aneurysm or a blood clot.  We will never know.  We do know that God called him home and graciously spared me from having my son die in front of me in a far more horrible way.

The death certificate stated he died of head trauma.  But I believe he “died” before we hit that pole.  I believe God took him Home when I saw that golden glow inside the car.  I believe God spared me because He is not through with me as He has something(s) yet left for Louann and I to do to His glory.

Why did Jack not put his seat belt on?  He always had up until that time!  Without exception!  If he had it on would he still be alive today?  No, I do not believe that for one moment.  I am convinced that God took Jack before we hit that metal pole.

The memorial service was at Bethany Mennonite Brethren Church in Fresno.  Jack Tabor grew up in that church.  He went through the entire Awana program there.  Louann and I were married in the original sanctuary on August 2, 1974.

Louann and I spoke to a full house of family, friends, and guests.  Many youth were in the audience.  The service was more like a praise and worship time than a “funeral”!

My sister flew in from Carrollton, Texas with her best friend Sharon Binkley and our cousin Randy Speed to be with us at the memorial and to stay a few days.

During the flight, Sharon had remarked to Jandetta that she could not imagine losing a child and that she could not even begin to imagine what we were going through. 

On January 15, 2001 John and Sharon Binkley’s oldest of two sons Hal was killed by a driver high on illegal drugs.  Hal was only 35 years of age and had been married for two years.

Jack had met Hal many years previous.  It is of great comfort to us all to know that Jack and Hal now know each other in such a wondrous way that we cannot even begin to fathom.

About a month after Jack’s memorial service the five of us drove to Hume Lake Christian Camp (Jack’s favorite place on this planet! – www.humelake.org) to have a memorial service at the mountain lake’s edge in front of the beautiful Ponderosa Lodge.  We scattered some of his ashes in the lake and up at a landmark called “The Little Brown Church”.

At “The Little Brown Church”, under the majestic pine trees overlooking a small valley, we found a well-worn notebook in which people of all ages wrote their prayers to God.  We found Jack’s precious prayer he had written less than five months before he went Home.

This is what Jack wrote, “Dear Lord, I come to you today thanking you for all the wonders you have given me and shown me in my life.  I just like to say thank you so much for dying for me.  I ask for your protection around me and my family.  And my dad is going through hard times and I ask you to bless my dad’s business so we can get out of debt.  I love you always.  Jack Fawcett.  November 23, 1996.”

Several months later we found a note he had written during a Wednesday night youth service.  It was inside his Bible cover, “My dream in life would be to have a wife with a great personality and shares the same interest in raising children, family, and health.  I would love to have four healthy children that respect my wife and I and love the Lord.  I would like two girls and two boys and to live in Vermont or Texas.  In order to achieve this dream…”  That is where he stopped writing.  He wrote that sometime in February of 1997.

My friend since 1988, and like a second dad to Jack, Ted Switzer spoke passionately and eloquently to a full audience inside the Fresno Bethany Mennonite Brethren Church at Jack’s Memorial Service April 12, 1997.  Several accepted Jesus as their Savior that afternoon and many others rededicated their lives to serving Him.

The other men who spoke were Pastor Steve Davidson and Pastor Dave Love of the Clovis Hills Community Church, Youth Pastor Scott Gossenburger of the People’s Church (now Senior Pastor at the Northwest Church), and my cousin Pastor Randy Speed (The River of Glory Church in Plano, Texas).  Pastor Mitch Harrison led the praise and worship with his band from Clovis Hills.  Alan and Kim Autry were also in attendance of well over 500 people that day.  Alan and I shortly afterwards went on to start a very creative business that Jack would’ve loved to have been a part of.

Here is the transcript of what Ted said that day:

Why Jack?

If you’re like me, you’re probably asking yourself this question.  Why did a young man of almost 17 have to die?  Why would God with all His wisdom take a young man’s life with all his potential?  We have to look at this with God’s perspective and not our own.  In our 15 years of teaching the Bible to teenagers, we have never come across a young man like Jack.

Neither I, nor anyone else, ever heard Jack utter one bad word about another person.  Jack loved like Jesus Christ, unconditionally and without regard to his own needs.  Jack always put others first and would check to see how they were doing.  Jack had one priority in his life and that was to serve Jesus Christ.  And he constantly brought his soul before God for inspection.

Jack wanted to drive straight through to Fresno to get back in time for Wednesday night youth group.  He asked to be dropped off first before even going home.  He wanted to see how everyone was doing and to learn more about his Lord and Savior.

The Bible also tells us we must come to God as little children who are pure in heart and believe without doubt or question.  That was Jack’s greatest quality.  Jack knew Jesus Christ as well as you know your mother or father.  Jack honestly looked forward to the time he could spend eternity with his Lord.  Jack was pure in heart and saw life through his Lord’s eyes.  To see Jack was to get a glimpse of Jesus Christ on earth.

What would Jack want me to tell you today?  Jack would say, “Tell them about Jesus.  Tell them about my friend Jesus who I could never lose; my friend Jesus who was always there for my family and me.  Oh, and tell them the part about hot or cold.  They need to know.”  Jesus said, “I want you hot or cold, but if you should get lukewarm, I’ll vomit you out of my mouth.”

If you’re not excited about Jesus Christ, then did you understand Jesus the way Jack did?  Do you long to be home with your Father in perfect peace and perfect love?  Do you care about how your actions will affect others?  Is your goal to please Jesus Christ or please yourself?  Remember, the word Christian was given to Jesus’ followers because they acted the same way Christ did.  These are questions Jack would have asked you.

Jack would also want me to ask you – can you count on your life lasting more than the next hour, the next week, the next year?  We told our youth group every week that you don’t know what’s going to happen.  You are not immortal and tonight you could die in a car accident.  In that sense, Jack acted as our prophet.

Jack would ask each one of you – and I ask each one of you – have you made your decision?  Whom will you serve?  If you decide to wait, remember there are no guarantees of tomorrow.  Remember Jesus said, “I am the way, the truth and the life.  No one comes to the Father except through me.”  Being good or religious will not get you into heaven.  Should you desire eternal life, it will start only with the belief in Jesus Christ and His sacrifice for your sins.  NO OTHER WAY!

If you should decide to serve Jesus, then serve Him as Jack did – with all your soul, with all your mind, with all your heart and with all your strength.  Serving Christ was serious business with Jack.  I told Jack once that he needed to go to college.  He said, “No, I don’t.  All I have to do is serve Jesus and let Him take care of the rest.”

So, why did God take Jack home?  We are put on this earth for one reason and one reason alone.  That is to serve Jesus Christ and tell others about Him.  Jack did this.  Jack was so undefiled and so pure of spirit that God missed him and wanted him in His presence to fellowship with him.

There was a man in the Old Testament called Enoch who God truly loved.  He, like Jack, had a very pure spirit and walked and talked with God every day.  Enoch was taken up into heaven in a flash of time, like Jack.  Jack died instantly and in the twinkling of an eye was with our Lord.

And by the way, for those of you who have been taught by me, Jack knew the answer.  When Jack got to heaven and St. Peter asked him, “Why should I let you in?”  Jack knew exactly what to say.  The burning question Jack would ask each of you today – his final one – “Do you know what to say?”

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Christopher J. Hall wrote a poem for Jack and gave it to us, “A tear drops from my eye, and mixes slowly with my pain.  I light a tiny candle that reflects in eyes that look insane.  In the warm glow I begin to write down what I feel, my mind strains to separate the fake from the real.  We know that he is gone but there’s not much we can do, we wish that he was here but we know it can’t come true.  Jack was very young, he had his whole life to live, but God took him home for reasons we cannot give.  Jack was a special man, he touched everyone with his light, but he went on to a better place to spend eternal life.  We will truly miss him and all the things he did, but God knows what’s best for us just as He does for him.  So as we let him go his memory will still remain, Jack we all love you, it will never be the same.”

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Courtney Banister wrote this poem for us shortly after the memorial service, “The picture of his face stays heavy on my mind, trying to make sense of it, as my thoughts all unwind.  The words said about him lay heavy on my heart, as I realize how I’ve allowed my life to fall apart.  If only I could experience the joy he knew inside, to stand before the world with my arms opened wide.  When did I first lose sight of what this life was all about, why did it take a young boy’s death to turn me inside out?  The tears I cry are tears of all the regret and guilt, I weep because I destructed the life my Father built.  He remained so faithful, why couldn’t I do the same?  I tried to hide from Him, but He knew me by name.  I hope I never forget the way I felt the day he died, I never again want to feel so consumed with myself and earthly pride.  I don’t want to live like I always have before, I want God to use me, I’m ready to open that door.  So that one day God will look at me and say, well done my good and faithful servant enter thou into my joy.”

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Allisa Allen of Kingsburg, California wrote this to Jack after the memorial service, “I really wish I could have known you better.  I’m sorry you had to go so soon.  I know we were just becoming friends.  It’s funny, you know, yesterday I was looking forward to getting to know you more this summer and now you are gone.  I know you are happy where you are but it is hard here for the people you left behind.  I feel sorry for your family, how hard it must be on Sommer; she loved you so.  She was so excited for you.  I promise you that I will be there for her.  I want to call her tonight.  I just want to tell you what an impact you have made on me.  Now I realize that we all are only one step away from death.  I need to live each day to the fullest.  I don’t want to say goodbye to you, so I won’t… I’ll just say hello to you in Heaven.  Eternal friend, Allisa.  P.S. I can’t wait to see you there; maybe you can show me around.”

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Jack’s last Bible verse he was memorizing before he went Home was, “And the cares of this world, and the deceitfulness of riches, and the lusts of other things entering in, choke the word, and it becometh unfruitful.”  Mark 4: 19